Encountering Evil

Crawling out of the woodwork like a termite,

his toxicity, like tentacles slither out, poison

to the sweet sapling that must be moistened,

protected only by the tamarin and her vicious bite.

Damaged walls let the poisoned gases in,

inhabitant unsuspecting of incoming damage

or even the glaring lack of proper bandage

over wounds never healed; they easily reopen.

Small, innocent soul, unknowingly tortured by

the confusion and disruption: betrayed by him,

a most trusted companion she held above all sin,

in the highest esteem; surely, he was unable to lie.

Confusion and chaos abound in her mind,

put to rest only by motherly affection and love,

protected, held close within Mama’s glove,

so, to the demonic manipulation, she is blind.

Discomfort seeps in, touching everyone with infection;

social constructs do the best to make it squirm.

One can find comparison to it with the worm,

an apt comparison in terms of lacking verbal inflection.

It’s enabled and encouraged by a female so vile,

her vitriol, never-ending, just sprays and spews

to those she cannot control with her narrow views

and manipulation tactics that only provoke bile.

Nausea, rocking, churning, bubbling like a hot sea,

a physical response to psychological stress

unnecessarily exacerbated in times of distress,

appetites turned as sour as a lost, forgotten pea.

I knew what it was when I laid eyes on it at first,

a hideous, disgusting energy, vile as vomit,

disguising itself with the success of a large comet

shooting through a night only described as the worst.

As I watched, the shape transformed, a mask

seeping over the visage I’d glimpsed but quickly;

my soul knew the evil as I do now as its sickly

energy could be drunk like liquid from a flask.

But then I allowed it to slip on its mask before

I knew what was even happening before my eyes.

He gave meaning to the phrase, “time flies,”

and I became lost within its darkness, craving more.

A Letter to My Former Husband

Dear Heartbreaker,

You don't deserve my thoughts or my emotions, yet you provoke me just enough to elicit repsonse. You know you do this because you're a Narcissist and everything you do is deliberate.

You told me you loved me. You told me you needed me. Then, without so much as wind of warning, you left me high and dry, wondering why we couldn't have gone to counseling to work through our issues. I was blessed to have our daughter with me.

You're a liar. Nothing you ever told me was true unless it was easily disproven, like your age, hometown, and other shallow information that only penetrates the peripheral layers of your self. Everything else was fabrication, deception, and manipulation.

I tried so hard to work with you. I did everything in my power to communicate effectively. Nothing was ever enough. You wouldn't stick to things you agreed to. You constantly told me things were "taken care of," but the moment we separated it was as though doors had opened and I was buried under the lies in the form of bills you'd left unpaid.

I worked up the courage to have you served. I thought to myself, "He told me he wanted to marry me all over again. This can be his opportunity to prove it." But, just like with bills, you proved that you're a liar, because you've never once asked me how I'm doing. You haven't once asked what I'm up to. When you first left, you ignored all of my posts about our daughter and our well-being. Now, you end every interaction you start with, "Deuces," and you spell it wrong.

My heart is broken, but I don't want your excuses anymore. I'm putting the pieces back together all by myself. You never once tried to help me put the pieces of my heart together in the first place; I simply had them taped in a group to try keeping the whole thing together in one place. Still, I think you took a piece or two when you went.

You can say whatever you want. You can give me the flimsy excuse that you "didn't have time," but I know that's a lie. All you do is lie and create bullshit excuses for your inappropriate behavior. I know what's real and what's not, since you've been gone, and you will never know how often my face leaks or doesn't over what I thought was supposed to be with you.

We were supposed to have a family. We were supposed to be an unstoppable force of love that would push forward and take the world by storm. Instead, you're a lazy piece of shit who wants to make excuses, lie on his ass, collect money he doesn't deserve, and spin tales of success that never happened.

I offered couples counseling multiple times. When I suggested it while we were together, you failed to follow through, just like you refused to drive me to my follow-up appointment after surgery and I totaled my car. Your response was less than sympathetic and I should have known then, like I should have known when you went behind my back to get formula for our newborn, that you do not care for me. You have no love for me. You have no respect for me.

Well, I have none of those things for you, either, anymore. Karma will find her way to you. I know you do a lot of innocuous tasks to keep her at bay, but she'll find you. She has her ways.

Sincerely,
The Woman Who Loved You Most.

Not an Advertisement: My Panda Planner

June was an exceptionally busy month and July is proving to be no slower. As I transition from having virtually nothing to do to being busy every day of the week, I count my blessings every morning. I'm lucky to have the help of the Panda Planner, purchased from Amazon at a discount of the original price and with free shipping thanks to Student Prime.

With the Panda Planner, I've been able to map out my month, my week, and every day as it occurs. It is exceptionally helpful for accomplishing tasks each day, as I write which tasks I really want to accomplish to the right of the "Day" pages. I write out my priorities on these pages, as well as my gratitude, my exitement, and an affirmation of myself.

I've been called a born saleswoman and I think that's true. The thing is, though, I don't try to sell things. What I promote is only that which directly benefits me; if it doesn't work for me, I don't talk about it in a way that may persuade others to make the same choices I did.

For example, people regularly think I'm trying to sell them a Kirby whenever I talk about vacuum cleaners. I was a Kirby saleswoman, but that doesn't mean I'm still trying to sell these wonderful pieces of equipment. Instead, I am trying to sell myself, and passion is in my nature. I am passionate about that which makes my life easier, and a Kirby vacuum system does that for me even though I no longer have one of my own. Therefore, any time I hear someone say they're looking for a new vacuum, I recommend the Kirby. Often, the response I get is a protest to the price of these exorbitantly expensive, luxury vacuum cleaning systems. That is why I tell them the following: Do not buy a Kirby from a Kirby salesman. Buy a Kirby from Amazon, as you can find a brand-new vacuum cleaning system for a third or less of the original price.

I mention this because the beginning of this entry may sound a little like an advertisement for the Panda Planner I recently purchased. The reason for this is because this planner really works for me and I am passionate about it for that reason. I want others to be able to lead the lives they really want to and accomplish their goals in a timely manner. The Panda Planner is honestly great for that and I absolutely recommend it with gusto to anyone who needs better organization in his or her life.

With my order of the Panda Planner, I purchased a Bellabe hair remover, and I will tell you, it works pretty well! There are some coarse hairs on my neck that it has difficulty grabbing, but I find it to be a bit tricky to use just right. It's definitely a simple tool and a more dexterous woman (or man!) may have a much easier time with it, but for me it is a little bit of a struggle. It is worth it, by far, however, when I manage to rip out multiple hairs at one time. For all of my struggling with the Bellabe, it is still more efficient than using tweezers only.

I love being able to use my planner to lay out "tomorrow" at the end of the day. I flip to the next page, input the next day, and fill in my projected schedule and tasks for the day. Everything else remains blank until morning, when I fill in my gratitude, excitement, focus, exercise, affirmation, and priorities. Before turning to the next day's pages, I fill in how I succeeded during the day and how I may improve myself for the next day. It's by far the best planner I've ever laid eyes on.