Year 3: Party!

            Persephone’s party was a complete, raging success!

            Two other girls attended, Lily and Cora, and the three of them had a great time playing together, separately, and in the water! There was much running, jumping, splashing, and squealing, and all girls enjoyed riding the kids’ cars in the yard. The little boy, Ollie, enjoyed eating delicious pizza and a cupcake, getting frosting all over his hands and mouth and staining his skin blue. He also enjoyed running, riding, and squealing outside with the girls, though as a younger kid, he was a bit more detached and on his own.

            All kids were closely watched. As hostess, I fluttered between the girls playing and the boy running around, when outside. Of course, Ollie’s parents followed him closely, watching like hawks, and Lily’s and Cora’s parents watched from the kiddie pool as the girls played. It worked very well and I’m proud of myself for hosting such a great event, especially since my grandparents left before the party ended.

            I’m so incredibly grateful to those who attended. They really helped to make it great. Without the help of my friends, I would not have been able to wrap presents and decorate quickly enough to be fully ready for the party to start on time. I could not be more grateful for my support network, such as it is and such as I am building it.

            Persephone’s presents were many and varied, and we don’t have room in the house for all of them. Her Minnie Mouse table and chairs, which I bought for her, will be stored in the pump house with many of our other belongings, until we find a house for ourselves. Presents included:

·         A kitty-cat purse.

·         Doc McStuffins toys:

o   A kit included Doc’s lab coat and shirt, a stethoscope, and an ID badge.

o   I bought her an “on call” kit that includes a flashlight, miniature purse, and compact.

·         A Barbie food truck, complete with Barbie, cupcakes, cups, and other accessories.

·         Two Disney Princess dolls:

o   Princess Jasmine.

o   Princess Belle.

·         A unicorn towel.

·         Paw Patrol attire:

o   Paw Patrol pajamas!

o   Paw Patrol summer dress!

·         A beautiful, red, long-sleeved Minnie Mouse dress with a sparkly tutu skirt.

·         A sparkly, pink summer dress with pretty, sparkly stars.

·         A drum music kit containing various percussive instruments.

·         Cards from various people:

o   Grandparents!

o   Guests!

o   Family members!

·         About 7 little ponies in the style of “My Little Pony.”

·         A whole LOT of books!!

o   “Disney’s Wonderful World of Knowledge,” years 1978-1987.

o   “Five Little Monkeys.”

o   “The Night Sky” book.

o   “Charlie Brown’s 2^nd Book of Amazing Answers.”

·         Disney Princess bibs: Cinderella and Aurora.

·         Play-Doh.

            Today, my friend Kate showed up with a Lambie (literally, the Lambie toy from Doc McStuffins) for Persephone as a birthday present! She really loved it. I'm so happy to have given her such a great third birthday.

Mental Illness and Social Media

Shit happens and then you die.

            That’s the way life works. If you don’t like it, that’s just too bad. It doesn’t matter what you do, there will always be obstacles to your success. In the absence of obstacles and in the absence of pain comes entitlement, greed, and gluttony. Without boundaries, humans are lost.

            My husband and I have not been separated for very long. It’s been just over two months. I’ve moved with extreme quickness on many matters since the separation, so much so that it feels like it’s been much longer than it has. It also still feels like yesterday, some days.

            Negativity has no place on my social media profiles. Snapchat is a good outlet if I need to vent, since the video clips disappear after 24 hours. It’s the one and only social media outlet that is exclusively about me and my reactions to things, rather than my response. As someone who needs a great deal of attention and must vent to multiple outlets in order to avoid feeling like a burden upon others, I need Snapchat for this purpose. Still, I do not update my Snapchat Story every day. I may not even update my Story every week. These days, there is very little to which I want to react negatively.

            I have filled my Facebook page with as much positive information as I can share about my life and that of my daughter. My Instagram account is nothing but the joy I work to create for myself and my daughter. My blog exists to let others know that they are not alone, I am not perfect, and it is my interest to uplift others and help them on their paths to success.

            Still, I see others who seem completely incapable of doing what it takes to get better. I share my information with those who ask for help. I respond to those who reach out for advice and I give them what has worked for me. I give them what has been proven to work for most people in our positions.

            The fact is, I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder. That is my primary diagnosis. I suffer as well from anxiety, misophonia, and PTSD, but those do not impact my disability claim through the VA. I don’t think I need extra money for my extra issues. What I know is that I need to continue doing what I know is effective, even if the effect isn’t the same every day.

            Every single day is a struggle. The level of struggle depends on the day: My activities vary throughout the week, as well as my ability to get out of the house. If I am stuck with one or both of my grandparents for the majority of the day and do not have a chance to get away, I find myself tired and without patience much more quickly and easily than if I’m able to get out in the morning and do what I need to do for myself.

            So, when I see depressive statuses on Facebook, they disgust me. I used to be one of the people posting those things, asking people to be mental illness apologists.

The message in these posts reads something like this: “It’s okay, it’s just who I am. I’m sick, but you should love me anyway.”

Yes, these people absolutely do deserve love anyway, but that doesn’t mean they should stop trying to get better. I know what works for me and I fight against my illnesses every step of the way. Some days are more successful in these endeavors than others. My extenuating circumstances differ from those around me. I understand all of this.

            Still, I find myself disappointed when a friend tells me I’m wrong. When a friend tells me that it isn’t enough to base my statements on my own experiences in addition to the research I’ve done, I’m dismayed. I know how this works. I realize that some people need medication to balance their chemicals in their brains. Still, I’m convinced there are natural remedies. Why?

            I’m convinced of natural remedies being superior to pharmaceuticals because of a strong trend I’ve observed among the mentally ill. Every person I know, have read about, or have heard about has said the same thing about prescribed psychotropic medications: “It makes me feel fuzzy.” No one likes the “fuzzy” feeling. We, as a species, want to feel alert and clear in our minds. No singular medication or method of treatment works for every single medically ill individual, but that is why it’s called a struggle.

            Herbal remedies, exercise, socialization, and maintaining a journal and planner are all helpful to me. Pharmaceutical pills are always detrimental and the only ones left available to me to try based on my issues are those that cause weight gain. With a goal of losing weight, how is a pill that causes weight gain supposed to help me? With the desire to be in control of my own life, how I feel, and what I do, how is a medication that fogs my brain supposed to be beneficial?

            I will never try to debunk doctors’ works. Research has been done extensively to create medications for a wide variety of medical issues, including mental health problems. There are prescription medicines out there that treat mental illnesses I witness in my friends.

            The thing is, I think society is a bigger problem than what’s going on in their heads, as I think society caused such anxieties, depressions, and other problems. One day, I may do more and have more impact for those who suffer. I may be much more helpful to others around me, in the future. For now, I must continue to focus on my own self-care, self-improvement, and self-esteem. Those who cannot find the joy in their lives, cannot create it for themselves, or simply dismiss what I know is wisdom, can continue on their paths as they choose, but I may not choose to keep them close to me, anymore.