Keeping On

Maintenance is the hardest thing in the world and its very idea often scares away any motivation that might come my way to get something significant accomplished. Every day is a struggle against myself.

            Yesterday and today, I did some laundry. Within the past few days, I cleaned the bathroom and the living room and hallway floor. Is there still more to do around the house? Yes. Is it still pretty intimidating? Yes. Do I still feel proud of what I have done? Yes.

            I managed to get through a load of laundry today. I folded and put away a whole load and while I can do more in a day, it is enough for me that today, I got that one load done. I also saw my psychiatrist and spoke with her about my medication, today.

            Many small goals exist in my mind, waiting to be made and achieved. Perhaps tomorrow, I will do two loads of laundry. Maybe I’ll sweep and scoop out the kitty litter. Maybe I’ll do all of those things. My next goal to meet, however, is walking the two miles to and from the 7-Eleven down the road from me.

            I can make all the progress I want. I can feel as proud as I want to about the small things I accomplish, but it remains true that I can’t stand going out by myself. As I pull myself together within my home and accomplish household chores as well as online schoolwork, I realize it may be a while before I am at a point in my health where I can go for a walk every single day with my dog and daughter.

            Maybe I’ll notice a great increase in my health during the summer, only for the opposite to be true in the winter. I’m observing these things because I want to be sure that I’m following the best path for my health. That begins with knowing what I’m battling.