In my life, I have decided to make a point
of not talking badly about people behind their backs. It was driven home
yesterday that not everyone shares such a desire to avoid gossip and bullshit.
I learned yesterday that someone who used to be a “friend” is jealous of me and
likes to talk shit about everyone around her.
The
conversation started innocently enough. Randy, my friend Kelly, her dog, my
dog, Persephone, and I all met with another friend of mine in Kirkland, a place
I’d never visited before. I was pleasantly impressed by what I saw of Kirkland,
little as it was, and my friend, Kara, and I were sitting on the grass, she
with her son and I with my dog, as Randy chased Persephone around the grass. I’m
not sure why or how the conversation ended up on a Facebook group we’re in, but
Kara mentioned the group, which I’ll call the Lounge, and asked me a question
having to do with some other group members.
“Some
of the other ladies left the group,” she said. I hadn’t known anything about
it, so I hmm’d and ha’d and nodded my head, furrowing my
brow and mentioning my ignorance of the other, now former, group members’
activities. At the mention of other members of the group, though, I thought of
someone who had been a mutual friend to Kara and me who goes by Nessa.
Opportunity bloomed before my eyes for me to tell someone about how Nessa had
suddenly, unexpectedly, and without a word to me, deleted me from her Facebook
friends’ list. I didn’t feel that it was a great loss—Nessa had blatantly
avoided my Halloween party last year, only to have the gall to invite me to her
house when I’d expressed that no one was showing up to my party—but I hadn’t
had anyone to tell about her having deleted me until just now, because I didn’t
have anyone nearby who would have cared to hear about it in any capacity.
“Nessa
deleted me from Facebook,” I said, adding something before the sentence to
segue into the topic. The reaction from Kara wasn’t quite what I’d expected, as
she said: “She’s jealous of you.” Did I say that wasn’t quite what I’d expected? Let me correct that: It came as a complete
surprise. My eyes widened and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
Well,
it was then that I learned that Nessa had been talking badly about me to Kara,
who did nothing to add to it and simply tried to diffuse the situation when it
came up (after all, she and I are friends and I’ve done nothing to incur either
woman’s wrath), but of course I was filled with a burning curiosity to know
what was said about me, behind my back, without my knowledge. Happily for me,
Kara was happy enough to oblige and humor my curiosity.
What
I learned wasn’t necessarily very specific, but it was quite revealing. Before
delving into the things Nessa had said about me—which were quite unimportant
but satisfied my curiosity nonetheless—Kara mentioned that Nessa had betrayed
her, and not slightly.
The
story is not mine to tell, but suffice to say that what Nessa did was a
complete betrayal of trust with Kara and, as far as I’m concerned, was
unforgivable. Kara is a more forgiving woman than I, however, and she did
forgive Nessa for it—though she admitted to me that she shouldn’t have, based
on the caliber of person Nessa has proven to be. Long story short, the betrayal
had to do with an actual legal case that was going on and Nessa gave out
information that she had specifically been forewarned not to give out. Her
excuse when she apologized profusely was as follows: “I didn’t mean to.”
She didn’t mean to? I don’t think so.
Let’s spell out a scenario of similarity in order to shed some light onto my incredulity.
Let’s say that Susie is my partner’s ex and she’s trying to keep half of my partner’s
belongings because they used to be together, but my partner wants his
belongings back, so he’s fighting for them using the legal system. I don’t want
Susie to know anything about me because it could somehow jeopardize my partner
getting his things back, so I tell my friend,
who has become friends with Susie, that I don’t want Susie to know about me. I specifically
tell my friend, Nessa (let’s at least keep that part consistent), “Please don’t
tell Susie anything about me. I don’t want her to know my name, where I live,
what I do for a living, or anything. Nothing. Please.” Nessa agrees, but the
next thing I know, Nessa has told Susie every last thing she knows about me!
I
would never have forgiven Nessa.
Hearing
Kara’s story was infuriating. I was filled with a kind of righteous rage, that
which drives me to exact vengeance on those who have wronged me or those close
to me. I put it aside, however, as it’s not my battle and my friend had already
forgiven her for the betrayal, whether it deserved forgiving or not. So, rather
than getting into a rage and ranting about the injustice of it all, I mentioned
my Halloween party—which led to my learning that Kara had planned to attend, with Nessa! Another surprise!
This
was when I learned that Nessa enjoys making plans with Kara and being the
person who coordinates it all, with or without Kara’s knowledge but often with
her involvement, only to then decide to cancel and leave the cancelling up to
Kara, who beforehand hadn’t even known she’d be involved. It’s a shitty thing
to do. Imagine if you and I were friends and I made plans that involved you,
but didn’t tell you about them. You get a call from the person with whom I’ve
made the plans: “Hey, are you still coming to my picnic?” You’re surprised: “What
picnic? Was I going to something? What’s this about?” Suddenly, you become
aware that I’ve signed you up for an event without your consent or knowledge.
Then, on the day of the event, I say, “You know, I just want to stay home. Can
you cancel? Also, can you find a bus back to your house since you don’t have a
car and I don’t feel like driving even though I don’t have an issue with gas
money because you’d help me with it if I would just give you a ride?”
Essentially, that is what Nessa does to Kara.
When
Kara said she’d planned on coming to my party with Nessa, I was angry with the
latter woman all over again. How dare she ignore my party completely, make
plans with someone to actually attend, then cancel and follow up with the gall
to invite me to her disgustingly filthy
household to do what I could only assume would amount to sitting outside
and smoking weed, because the interior of the house is revolting and also a
health hazard…which brings me to my next point.
Nessa
was offended when I looked out for the health and well-being of a child at her
home.
Nessa
is not a mother. She cannot understand motherly instinct and she clearly doesn’t
respect one mother’s concern over another mother’s child. Nessa had requested
help in cleaning her disgustingly filthy home, and I had volunteered because it
had been my idea that she should conduct a cleaning party and get as much
support as she could, so as to get it done and maybe make it fun. Another
friend of mine helped, admittedly more than I did, but on the first day, I was
there. So was another woman Nessa had invited.
The
other woman had a small child, perhaps 4 or 5 years old, if memory serves. The
house was full of fumes from unchanged kitty litter and stagnant chicken shit
in the floors. Unhealthy, respiratory-problem-causing fumes. So, looking out for the child, I suggested keeping her
outside so as to prevent her getting sick. Kara
told me that her son gets sick every time she takes him with her to visit Nessa’s
home. Yet, Nessa took great offense to my concern, choosing to take it as
some kind of slight against her. Ridiculous.
It
turns out, from the enlightenment I received from Kara, that Nessa seemed to
decide she no longer liked me after I suggested keeping the child outside for
health and safety reasons. I had no idea. Nessa never said how she felt while I
was at her home, cleaning without safety equipment, nor did she send me a
message over Facebook or a text message via phone to express her feelings over
the matter. She did, however, feel comfortable with venting all about it to
Kara, which turned out well for me because I get a much better idea of her
character in addition to getting closure over the issue.
I
will have it known that I did not consider the loss of Nessa’s Facebook
friendship to be a big loss. I looked at the “add friend” button on Nessa’s
page and thought, “Well, that was unexpected.” That was about the end of it for
me, until my good friend, Kara, enlightened me further.
If
anything, my conversation with Kara about Nessa made me feel better about
myself and gave me closure to an issue that had vaguely confused me. Someone is jealous of me. What an ego
boost! The only other person who has admitted to being jealous of me has done
so to my face and it was my older brother, who has proven himself to be a real
nigga capable of real talk, whereas this bitch can’t even tell me to my face
how she feels. My older brother thinks I’m better than him—it’s not true, but
it’s what he told me he thinks, to my face, because he has balls—while this
bitch complains about me behind my back and talks about how “negative” I am
when I post a meme.
I
compare Nessa to my older brother only
because they’re both jealous of me. That is the only connection and the only
reason I think about it is because, for the longest time, I thought my brother
was a bitch-ass nigga. Ebonics may not be my first language, but I’ve become
familiar with it and it is the most appropriate way to describe some things.
This is one of those things. Hearing about Nessa made me realize that my
brother isn’t nearly as lame as I thought he was and he does, in fact, have the
intestinal fortitude to be a good man. I have so much more respect for him now
than I did before the revelations of Kara.
So, for my brother, Cristopher: If
you’re reading this, I love you and you are important to me. I want to help you
in any way I can to make your dreams come true.
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